I Suck
by Burnt Taco
Summary: Ide knew that he was useless at love, and had even given up. Until, that is, Matsuda set him up on a blind date. Hee hee...


**Tokyo****, Japan**

**June 21st 2009**

Ide, a 40-year old virgin, sighed at the sight of Misa and Light together in their happiness; why couldn't he get a girlfriend? Was love really against him? Well you know what, Ide: **When Life Drags You Down, Drag Life Down With You!** He sat up straight in his chair as there was a knock knock knocking upon the door. Matsuda happily got up to open it and there stood a short, slightly overweight woman, a pimple or two here and there, with short pink hair and _neon green streaks_ her **big, white, plastic rimmed glasses** glaring up in front of her muddy-brown eyes.

"Oh, Touta, won't you go out with me once more?" She begged; her voice did not fit the way she looked for it was a lower-pitched, smooth-sounding voice. She ran up and hugged Matsuda who cringed.

"Uh, no it's, it's fine, Sayuri, I don't really want to," Matsu replied, Sayuri, as our plastic rimmed glasses wearing friend was called, burst into a fit of tears at his answer.

"You're not good enough for him," L said quietly.

"See, L understands! Thank you, L!" Matsuda shouted; L rolled his eyes. "Hey, wait a minute, I'm not gay!" L sighed,

"Oh, why do you have to be so mean?" Sayuri whined; Ide, and the rest of the taskforce, happened to notice this spectacle. With that she pouted and turned away crossing her arms over her chest, thus noticing Ide sitting in his little corner of the room all alone. Sayuri gasped,

"Touta-chan, who is that, that handsome man there?" She whispered pointing at Ide,

"His name is Hideki Ide; now go away." Sayuri pouted and stomped off, although she did look very proud of herself for finding out Ide's name.

"What was up with her? Why can't she understand that I broke up with her for a reason? I HATE GAY BARS , ESPECIALLY ON **GIRLS' FREAKEN NIGHT OUT**!" Matsuda shouted.

* * *

Sayuri returned the next day, not for Matsuda but for Ide.

" Matsu , you need to hook me up with that man there, Ide," she demanded, pointing and stomping her foot. Matsuda sighed but agreed to set them up on a date; after Sayuri left Matsuda was very subtle with telling Ide about his 'date'.

"Pst! Pst, Ide!" Matsuda whispered, "word on the street is that love hates you, so I set you up on a blind date!" Ide pondered the thought of who his date could be; he imagined super models and pop divas riding on unicorns escorting him to _'fancy places' _a sly grin crept onto his face at the thought of this. He agreed to go with the prospects of having a _hot date _in sight, Matsuda jumped up and down with glee since his ex-girlfriend would no longer harass him.

* * *

Ide gladly waited for his date to arrive at the taskforce like Matsuda said she would, his hair parted in the same way down the middle; he jumped when there was a knock on the door but his heart fell when he opened the door and Sayuri stood in a bright teal cocktail dress holding a screaming purple clutch bag, her pink hair curled at the tips. Ide knew that she was going to drag him to a gay bar from Matsuda's ranting, and he was displeased.

"Let's go," she cried clutching Ide's hand and dragging him out the hotel room until they reached her favorite place: The Warm Papillion, a gay bar/karaoke place for men (and women, if you must ask!) Ide attempted to wiggle himself free of Sayuri's iron grip, but him just like Matsuda, were trapped into going inside the wonders of The Warm Papillion; Ide swore a tear fell from his eye at the moment he entered. When the owner saw Sayuri a big smile spread across his face,

" Miss. Sayuri, do you want your regular seat?" The owner sang, Sayuri gasped,

"Of course," she dragged Ide into a round corner seat where Ide noticed that there were only women in this gay bar.

"Um, why are there only women?" He asked quietly,

"It's Girls' Night Out, silly! I used to take Touta here too; he hated this place." Sayuri crooned,

"I am uncomfortable with my surroundings."

"So, why don't you have eyebrows?" Sayuri said, cocking her head to the left; Ide was unresponsive, "Okay, this is awkward."

**_"I am uncomfortable with my surroundings."_**

"Uh-huh… So, anyway, like I was saying Touta and I were dating for like a year and like he was awesome but like I don't know what I was like saying anymore; but we should go do karaoke!"

"No."

"Awww, please? Fine, if you won't go with me I'll go by myself, then you can come along afterwards!" Sayuri made sure to pick the _gayest_ song she could, Macho Man; she came back feeling very successful but Ide was pointing and laughing at her failure.

"Let's see you try next time, Mister," she pouted.

* * *

After about a couple of drinks Sayuri was able to convince Ide to go up and sing with her… They sang A Whole New World from Aladdin. Badly. Very badly. Although his date was a disaster: gay bars, bad karaoke, too much alcohol,

"Hey, want to go out next week too?"

"Absolutely!" Ide began to walk away but Sayuri wouldn't allow that to happen, she ran up and attempted to kiss him goodbye because of all the fun she had, they missed, twice; but third time's the charm! They were able to have one awkward kiss goodbye.

* * *

**For hippielicious A.K.A. Hideki "Kyle" Ide**

**Lots of Love, Burnt Taco A.K.A. Touta "Gabriel" Matsuda**

**_Is it the end of Ide's 40 years of virginity? Heh heh… Maybe…_**

**Alright, Burnt Taco here, just wrote a oneshot for a friend. She is a lot like Ide but I hope she NEVER shaves off her eyebrows to look more like Ide and doesn't end up a 40-year-old virgin! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!**

**~Burnt Taco**


End file.
